A Bee and a Bus – Conclusion

So of course I embark on an internal conversation, with no one in particular, asking what I ever did to deserve such a harrowing brush with mortality.  No answer.  Well, there’s a shock—it would be somewhat disturbing, wouldn’t it, if there was a response?  Probably better for all concerned that things remain silent, at least on this particular question.  I decided not to worry about the matter any further, but for some reason, I was genuinely annoyed that I had had such a run-in, and, what’s more, that no one much seemed to care.

This didn’t last.  One of the more pleasing aspects of riding the bus for fifty minutes in the morning is to look at the pretty women on board.  Chicago is a very big city, with many attractive women.  And on this particular occasion, I noticed one woman in particular.  I did not get her name; I did not talk with her.  But I made a very explicit, very conscious decision to look her in the eye, with the express idea in my head to let her know that I see her, that I wanted her to see me seeing her, and that I wanted her to see me.  And, what is most important, is the idea that I wanted to connect with someone, however fleeting, for at least that one moment—to let her know, to let the universe know, that this moment mattered, that this connection, however momentary, mattered.  That we mattered, she mattered, I mattered—that all of this makes a difference.

She smiled, and I smiled.  And I like to think that she knew what I wanted her to know, knew what I wanted the universe know.  With quiet satisfaction, I turned my attention again to the grassy park rushing by.  I noticed Elvis singing again, and I thought, to no one in particular:  “Okay, that makes up for the bee.”

A Huge Lone Wolf Success

I’m on the train to St. Louis en route to my annual Missouri Ozark extravaganza vacation. My friends will collect me from the station in St. Louis – which will save a huge amount of time.

I was dumped on Tuesday (man, I really liked that woman) and totally dissed on Saturday (nice tits do not trump rudeness). At the beginning of the trip out of Chicago a pretty girl was looking for a seat. I hoped she would sit next to me, but she sat next to the guy across the aisle from me, saying “you look normal” as she took her seat. I was just beaten and broken enough to take her to mean that I didn’t look normal.

I was asked to move from my seat to let a granddad and granddaughter sit together. I ended up sitting next to a very pretty woman, easily thirty years younger than me. And, not to be a dick about it, much more attractive than my earlier desire. This girl was downright gorgeous: thick shoulder length strawberry red hair, slender build, and a face to make men weak in the knees.

God, karma, or whatever is running the show (if anything IS running the show) sure seems to be taking great pleasure in my tortured sexual frustration. Of course, that’s a bit egotistical – what reason do I have to think the universe gives a rat’s ass about me?

I won’t wallow in self-pity. I’ve worked hard at being by myself for so long that I now realize I’ve accomplished that goal summa cum laude. I’m a huge lone wolf success. New goal: work on yourself so that someone somewhere WANTS you. How hard can it be? BWAAAAHHH …

Aphorisms and Other Curiosities

Is the universe indifferent?  Who the hell knows?  Don’t use it as an excuse to hide from living.

Women’s roller derby team + religion:  church of the most holy rollers.

Intersection of solemn and playful:  serious.  See Nietzsche.

What makes for good comedy?  “It’s finding that fine line between smart and silly.”     — CBS Sunday Morning, 3/30/2014

From some TED talk somewhere:  How to make choosing easier:

Cut — less is more
Concretize — make it vivid
Categorize — more categories, fewer choices
Condition — move from less complex to more complex

We live in a world of paradoxes:  you’re special, and you’re no different from anyone else.  She likes you, but she doesn’t LIKE like you.

Check your judgments at the gates of hell — you can pick ’em up when you come back to stay.

Reverie, rumination — a blessing and a curse.

Life is neither black nor white / It’s full of joy and sorrow
Whatever fears we have today / Might all be gone tomorrow

A calm came over me.   Then something said, “We just wanted to know whether YOU knew we were here.”  That was the first time I really listened to my feelings in a long, long time.

“How do you make people feel good?
You have sex with them, or you make them laugh.
If it’s both, you marry that person.
People shun people they have sex with.
They never leave the people who make them laugh.”

— Chris Rock (paraphrase),
CBS Sunday Morning, 11/30/2014