Amish Show Tunes – Conclusion

CALEB:  Jacob, wait.  Our brothers have hit upon something delightful for the harvest social.  And the song mentions “the land” – which is always beautiful to the Amish …

JACOB:  Well, you’re the church elder, so okay; I’ll trust your judgment.

CALEB:  Wonderful!  Brothers Abner and Levi will sing this lovely song about the land at the social.

LEVI:  Um, Brother Caleb, we were hoping to please God and the community with two or three show tunes.

(the words “show tunes” make CALEB a little uneasy)

CALEB:  Oh?  Pray, tell us of another of these “show tunes.”

(long pause, then JACOB begins to sing softly)

“The sun’ll come out, tomorrow / So ya gotta hang on ’til tomorrow …”

(ABNER smiles at JACOB, and both sing):  “Come what may! / Tomorrow! Tomorrow! … ”

(LEVI joins in, all three sing):  “I love ya tomorrow! / You’re always a day a way!”

(CALEB raises his hand to stop them)

CALEB:  Wait – this song is Christian because … ??

LEVI:  … because it’s a song about hope …

ABNER:  … and about joy …

JACOB:  … and about love …

(LEVI, ABNER and JACOB sigh together)

CALEB:  All right, two songs then.  I just hope the community likes these “show tunes” as much as you all do. … Hmm …

JACOB:  Brother Caleb?  Does something still trouble thee?

ABNER:  Caleb, thou art good and kind.  Tell us, what is it?

CALEB:  Well, there is one song from my youth … I’m wondering if we might sing it at our social as well …

LEVI:  Brother Caleb, of course we can!  Sing out, brother; show us your soul’s joy …

(CALEB pauses, clears his throat, and sings)

“It’s just a jump to the left …”

(JACOB recognizes the tune, sings)

JACOB:  “And then a step to the ri-i-ight …”

(ABNER, hands on hips, sings)

ABNER:  “With your hands on your hips …”

(LEVI, knees in tight, sings)

LEVI:  “You bring your knees in ti-i-iight …”

(all four, “Rocky Horror” style)

CALEB, JACOB, ABNER and LEVI:  “But it’s the pelvic thru-ust / that really drives you insa-a-a-ane / Let’s do the Time Warp again!”

(As all four sing the refrain again, lights fade to black)

Letting Go …

“Just thought I’d drop you a quick note to see how you’re doing.  I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to visit last week.  I was pretty whipped – and that other stuff seemed pretty complicated.

“Drop me a note, let me know how things are going:  I hope you’re doing well.

“Much love always …”  But was it more than I should have said?

I do miss her.  If she’s pulling away, it’s okay.  I don’t begrudge her that.  I had the perfect moment – even if it wasn’t what I thought I wanted.  I was able to tell her, with every bit of honesty I’ve ever known, that I really did want her to be happy.  I still do.

In that moment, on the edge of my worst fears and dread, when I was again afraid of that sting of rejection, the judgment that giggles at a poor sap playing way out of his league, I let go.  She didn’t laugh.  And I felt – wonderful.  I felt like she knew how crazy I was about her, and even though she didn’t feel that way about me, she respected my feelings, cared about them, cared about me.

And this time, it wasn’t that god-awful neediness that sucks the oxygen out of the room.  It was a moment of absolute calm, absolute bliss – a realization that I could be genuinely happy for her, and still know that I was going to be okay.

I hadn’t taken a chance on getting close to anyone for, oh, I don’t know, fifteen plus years.  When I opened up the office door that Saturday morning so long ago, I saw something in her eyes – something that said to me that this was someone I wanted to get to know, that I wanted to try again.

Looking back, what I saw was a genuinely kind, decent and loving heart.  She is smart, funny, honest.  She makes me want to be a better person.  Her love and friendship have saved me from myself.  She’s stuck up for me more than once, and it always amazes me when she does that.  Her love and friendship are absolutely fierce.  I am so lucky to have met her, to know her.

So if we’re at that point where I need to get out of the way, well, yes, it does sadden me a bit.  But only a little.  I want so bad for her to be happy, then okay:  I’m out of the way.  If I know her, I feel confident that she has already made her decision – she believes it’s best for both of us to give thanks for the love and joy we both know so well, and for both of us to get on with the happy lives that await us.

Thank you.  I’ll miss you.  Much love always …