Amish Show Tunes – Conclusion

CALEB:  Jacob, wait.  Our brothers have hit upon something delightful for the harvest social.  And the song mentions “the land” – which is always beautiful to the Amish …

JACOB:  Well, you’re the church elder, so okay; I’ll trust your judgment.

CALEB:  Wonderful!  Brothers Abner and Levi will sing this lovely song about the land at the social.

LEVI:  Um, Brother Caleb, we were hoping to please God and the community with two or three show tunes.

(the words “show tunes” make CALEB a little uneasy)

CALEB:  Oh?  Pray, tell us of another of these “show tunes.”

(long pause, then JACOB begins to sing softly)

“The sun’ll come out, tomorrow / So ya gotta hang on ’til tomorrow …”

(ABNER smiles at JACOB, and both sing):  “Come what may! / Tomorrow! Tomorrow! … ”

(LEVI joins in, all three sing):  “I love ya tomorrow! / You’re always a day a way!”

(CALEB raises his hand to stop them)

CALEB:  Wait – this song is Christian because … ??

LEVI:  … because it’s a song about hope …

ABNER:  … and about joy …

JACOB:  … and about love …

(LEVI, ABNER and JACOB sigh together)

CALEB:  All right, two songs then.  I just hope the community likes these “show tunes” as much as you all do. … Hmm …

JACOB:  Brother Caleb?  Does something still trouble thee?

ABNER:  Caleb, thou art good and kind.  Tell us, what is it?

CALEB:  Well, there is one song from my youth … I’m wondering if we might sing it at our social as well …

LEVI:  Brother Caleb, of course we can!  Sing out, brother; show us your soul’s joy …

(CALEB pauses, clears his throat, and sings)

“It’s just a jump to the left …”

(JACOB recognizes the tune, sings)

JACOB:  “And then a step to the ri-i-ight …”

(ABNER, hands on hips, sings)

ABNER:  “With your hands on your hips …”

(LEVI, knees in tight, sings)

LEVI:  “You bring your knees in ti-i-iight …”

(all four, “Rocky Horror” style)

CALEB, JACOB, ABNER and LEVI:  “But it’s the pelvic thru-ust / that really drives you insa-a-a-ane / Let’s do the Time Warp again!”

(As all four sing the refrain again, lights fade to black)

Amish Show Tunes – Part One

CAST:  CALEB (in his 50’s), JACOB (40’s), ABNER (30’s), and LEVI (20’s).

(Lights up.  A country general store.  JACOB sits at a pickle barrel down-stage right, CALEB stands at the store counter downstage left, while LEVI and ABNER are playing checkers up centerstage)

CALEB:  Brother, does thee have all thou needs for thy harvest?

LEVI:  Two new sickles, horse collar, sorghum, molasses, and hardtack – I reckon that’s enough for now.

ABNER:  Jacob, thou art truly a barn-raising wonder!

JACOB:  Shucks, Abner, ‘tweren’t nothing special for a good God-fearing Christian.

CALEB (pauses a moment, then says):  Brothers, may I ask thee a difficult question?

LEVI:  Speak freely, Brother Caleb, we are all friends here.

CALEB:  Well, I’m troubled – I’m afraid one of us has strayed from our baptismal vows …

ABNER:  Who among us has done this?  Speak, so that we may shun him and begin the healing process …

CALEB:  … Abner, it’s you.  (the other three gasp)

JACOB:  Commence the shunning!

(CALEB, LEVI and JACOB turn away from ABNER)

ABNER:  See here, Caleb!  How have I strayed from the path?

CALEB:  I heard you listening to a radio.

ABNER:  Untrue!  Just what do you think you heard?

CALEB:  A strong male tenor.  A beautiful singing voice.  Clearly evil – it must have been a radio program.

LEVI:  Tenor?  Singing?  Yea verily Brother Caleb, you don’t understand …

JACOB:  Young Levi, what do you know of this?

LEVI:  Brother Abner came up with the most wonderful idea for the fall social.  Abner, tell them!

ABNER:  We wanted to surprise you, but … you know the English have these plays … they call them “musicals” …

JACOB:  If it’s English, it can only be trouble.

LEVI:  No, no, not at all!  Listen …

(LEVI clears his throat and sings):

“We know we belong to the land / And the land we belong to is grand!”

(ABNER joins in)

LEVI and ABNER:  “And when we saaay / Yeeow! Ayipioeeaaay! /
We’re only sayin’ / You’re doin’ fine, Oklahoma! / Oklahoma OK!”

JACOB:  Blasphemy!  Shun them!

(JACOB turns away, but CALEB doesn’t)

To be continued …